Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize