This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
