This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize