Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
