remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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