i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
