my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
