did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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