dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize