stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
