its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
