why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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