so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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