I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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