Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
