Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
