i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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