I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
