There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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