I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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