If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
