Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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