I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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