when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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