FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he puts the penis in happiness.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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