so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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