i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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