I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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