she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
