Im at strip club and am horny
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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