So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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