i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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