How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
