I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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