You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
