Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
