Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
