that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
