I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
