Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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