When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
