There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
