He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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