new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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