I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
