Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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