The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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