I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
