He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
