I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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