I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
