why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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