My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
