Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
