My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
