I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
