Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
