i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
