Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
