Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
