kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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