At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The uberlube is also flammable
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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