Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
