I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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