this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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