So drunk its hurt
Ketchup is God's man juice
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
