Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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