Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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