dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
