I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
