just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
